I hate my computer, I hate it with a growing passion.

The reason I hate my computer so much is that it is nearly brilliant, but in the end, it’s frustrating and annoying. Take for example the variety of different windows systems. I have Vista, which I almost love. I almost love the sidebar especially the exchange rate things, except being as I live in the UK, and my fiance is American, and also I like to know how the euro is doing, I have to load up the exchange rate thing twice. Grrr. (Thats a three R grrr by the way. I have moved from the two R grr, to the three R grrr as its gotten that serious. Also the two R grr kind of looked like I was a fan of motor racing.)

I also love the system monitor that watches my processing speed, except then it just tells me one of my processors is working madly whilst the other one is not, and they can’t switch the workload to make the thing quicker, and what the hell is it doing anyway, I didn’t ask it to do a damned thing! Why can’t my lazy processor (which I have now decided to call Berbatov) just pick up the slack! Besides which, have you seen how much operating memory it takes!

I love the windows background features, but I now have thousands of pictures suitable for my background and I want my lappytop to randomly choose one, but Vista doesn’t do that, so I end up finding a program online to do it for me, which works fine, except it’s really really slow, and it interferes with a load of other programs (No, I don’t care that you have just changed backgrounds when I’m in the middle of running away from a hoard of hungry zombies!) and have you seen how much operating memory it takes!

I love the internet, because it gives you access to everything except when you want to find one specific thing in which case it gives you everything BUT the one specific thing you wanted. In fact rather worryingly more and more even google takes you to sites selling you stuff rather than the information site you actually want. (When I type “All Holes at Augusta”, I didnt expect to see THAT. I had my Mum in the room!)

Sorry Mum

The worst thing without doubt on computers though is, rather specifically, ANTIVIRUS VISTA 2010.

This as you may know is not an anti-virus but a virus. It infects your computer and installs a program called AV.EXE on your PC. This program is a very very annoying advert that repeats itself again and again until presumably you link to their website and buy the product that, one can only pray, will leave this virus on your pc dormant, but more likely will either copy all your passwords and steal all your money, or send itself to all your friends instead.

This is also particularly annoying as turning the process off doesn’t work as EVERY SINGLE TIME you use any program, it turns itself back on again. Also somehow it manages to stay hidden by an anti-virus, a spyware, and a malware program, which must make all three of those an even bigger waste of money. Why did I bother getting them when this insidious pice of software can jus waltz in whenever it feels like it! Half of my computer space is taken up with anti-viruses and anti-spyware and none of it works!

You can’t delete ANTIVIRUS VISTA 2010 as, well it’s not a stupid as all that, and even if you could find the right file location and get to the file, it would only reload itself into your memory on the next boot up.

It’s like Russell Brand, you don’t like him, you don’t want him but he keeps bobbing back to the surface like a floating poo.

Floaty Poo

There is an election coming up in May, and I am offering my vote here and now, and I suspect the voYeah, hit that spongebob antivirus vista 2010 thing!te of thousands of internet users in this country, if ANY PARTY promises to hunt down the people who run this virus, who take the money, who create more and more strains of this insidious thing, and hang them from their scrotum, in a public place, like the Tower of London, for the whole world to see. Then supply us with big sticks so we can hit them like a pinata!

It can’t be that hard, freeze the accounts, petition for their arrest, they are committing a form of robbery or fraud or extortion or something here! There must be a law against it. Why is no-one fighting this.

Please stand with me and scream and shout. Lets complain to our leaders, lets demand they do something about this. Viruses are infecting our systems and they should be stopped once and for all! Join the ANTI-ANTIVIRUS VISTA 2010 PARTY!

~ by eggplantinspace on March 8, 2010.

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