From Cherub to Chav


For those of you who have no idea what a chav is… well thats a tricky one… Wikipedia (always fun for a laugh) says

The stereotypical “chav” is an aggressive teenager or young adult who often engages in anti-social behaviour, such as street drinking, drug abuse and rowdy behaviour. They are often assumed to be unemployed or in a low paid job. Stereotypical “chavs” typically wear tracksuits and hoodies made by sporting brands such as Nike and Adidas and listen to dance music and RnB.”

Its typical of wikipedia to sugarcoat these things. I wondering how many chavs grimace at such an official and flat sounding description

You’re in your car and you see a Chav on a bike….Why should you try not to hit him?
Its probably your bike

The urban dictionary, home of many an amusing alternative definition comes out with something alot more precise….

Frightening huh!

Frightening huh!

“Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.”

I think you get the picture. In fact I have just seen a webisite that describes these delightful young people as a cross between a “wigger” and “white trash”… so erm…. “wigger trash???” I dont know!

What do you call a chav collecting his moms child benefit from a post office?

Sorrrrrted!

Anyhow, whilst packing with the kids today, I was reminded that even the worst chav started out as a small and often adorable child. What is it about our children that turns even the sweetest, most angelic, doting little girl into a 15 year old foul mouthed, dirty trollop? What has happened to our civilisation that allows the utter dregs of society, the laziest, most ungrateful, theiving,  joy-riding, drug crazed, disrespectful, immature and pathetic youths to happy slap their way into british culture like a childs version of the mafia?

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

So I wondered maybe its something we are doing. Naturally my first instinct was to turn to The Usual Suspects. Maybe its diet, too much sugar, insecticides in the food cycle, preservatives or MSG. Perhaps its bad parenting due to the nuclear family, single parents, modern working families, reliance on schools, lack of respect. Maybe its obsession with possesions, getting the latest ipod, mobile phone or Wii game or a simple degradation of society, no religious values, bad policing and useless laws.

Why did the Chav cross the road?
To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

I guess all this is possible, but to find the truth I think we really need to look at our little ones. As an unqualified adult, but not a father I am in a unique position of perspective. I am encountering children but do not have the blood connection that society automatically allows us certian rights. I have to be very careful what I do and say to the children I care for, always being aware that every action I take could be scrutinised from granma to the next door neighbour.

It occurs to me that maybe we have somewhere along the way given children too much consideration. So I looked up some of the great literature on the subject, voices that the world will recognise instantaneously as being profoundly right and decent.

“I believe the children are our are future, Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside, Give them a sense of pride to make it easier”

Haiiiii-Yah

Haiiiii-Yah

Whitney’s portentious edict suggested that we must teach them well and let them lead the way. Im not sure Whitney has ever tried to teach a chav, it would be fun to watch, after all I strongly suspect they are a lot more inclined to listen to Bobby Browns advice on how to bring knuckle bruises down whilst wearing stupidly low pants.

And one thing you can definitely say about chavs is that they have pride, normally in the quantity of “bling” they have stolen from their grannies, or the best fastest most outrageous and loudest Vauxhall Nova they have stolen this week. I wonder if Whitney meant something more incidious, like the beauty inside being their heart, rib cage, stomach? Hmmm, perhaps I have underestimated her

Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who’s driving?
The police

So what are we doing wrong to our kids to make them behave in such an anti scoial manner? I have an idea… take a look at the following picture. I believe it will be made very very clear……

Hmmm

Hmmm

curious

curious

ahhhh

ahhhh

To me, it seems pretty clear that when we take photos like these and then post it to literally millions of people on the internet, it is bound to affect our little ones, so when they turn into the teenage chavs, we only have ourselves to blame.

I see, birds huh

I see, birds huh

One last point. If you are in the UK remember it is better to have tried and been happy slapped down, had your mug viewed by thousands on slappy internet sites and shown on the naional news, than not to try at all… apparently! If you are living in the US however, please note, he may look and act like Vanilla Ice, but the gun he’s carrying is probably B.I.G’s.

scary

scary

Ungh

Ungh

erm...

erm...

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~ by eggplantinspace on September 29, 2009.

3 Responses to “From Cherub to Chav”

  1. Just wanted to say that this site is realy good and I’m Glad that i found it

  2. Elegantly put. I despise chavs.

  3. I HATE CHAVS

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