Christmas Spots


As you all know, Christmas is a time for fun, frolicing, dressing up in silly costumes, giving useless presents to people you dont like and generally being overly nice so we can feel less guilty about ripping them off the rest of the year. Which comes across a little cynical, but believe me I genuinely do love this time of the year.

I love watching the freezing cold carol singers go from door to door, their little red noses sniffing in the cold wind, whilst I stay in my warm house looking through the windows at the as they press my bell.

I love watching the town council electrician every year, in the ice and snow trying to reach across the various trees and buildings, putting up the christmas decorations, and it takes all of my effort to not go steady the ladder than invariable slides on the slippy ice and snow. Well I say all my efforts, obviously what I mean by that is that me and some of the other cabbies tend to don our winter coats, warm gloves and hats, get the hot coffee out and cheer, sing and dance the poor fellow on.

I love the girls going to the clubs in their mini santa outfits, freezing in the cold wind, leaping from leg to leg like they’re warming up for the triple jump.

Yes, christmas is a great time, but there are some things I dont enjoy about it. Some things which christmas should not be about at all!

For example… Christmas spots!

Yes every year about this time my skin decides to conspire against me and in the run up to the big day where my family and friends are looking forward to seeing my smiley happy face greet them with warm cheer, I have instead been transformed into one of the witches in Macbeth. My particular low point was having a big red spot one year on the furthest tip of my nose. Oh what fun it was to be called ‘Rudolf” by not only the people who claim to love me, but also by the complete strangers that drunkenly get into my car. Imagine my joy when comfronted by one witty drunken jostler I was told…
“At least with that thing you’ll be alright if the lights go out!”

Despite a regular array of chemical face packs, exfoliating creams, rejuvinating oils etc etc, every year it happens and every year i end up hiding in my house come christmas wishing everyone would forget about me this year.

My understanding is that it is not just me who suffers from this affliction. Other normally clear faced people will find themselves looking like a half baked pizza at Christmas times, as well as birthdays, on holiday and my particular favourite, on their wedding day.

Oddly though, I do not take heart knowing that others suffer in the same way. It should, but it doesnt. I shall have to just put up with my continuous shame and embarrassment and live to fight through another christmas under another balaclava.

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~ by eggplantinspace on December 19, 2008.

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