The Big Change, “The Lord of the Rings”

Following on from my well recieved observation of Titanic, I would like to suggest a plot change to Lord of The Rings.

Look, I now this is the worlds most popular Book and everyone that has seen the movies likes something about them, but they are just wrong.

The true ending to the book should have gone like this.

Picture the scene, Frodo, lazy git though he is, gets his long standing mate Samwise Gangee (hero to all and hit with the laydees) to carry him to the top of mount doom.

Now I’m not saying he’s a useless layabout… but he’s a useless layabout. Up pops Dastardly Golem, gone a little freaky by now.

Golem fights lazy arse for a bit, who somehow has tonnes of strength now, and ol’ sammy boy kicks a little butt.

Frodo then runs, sprints no less! to the top of the cliff thing and gets ready to throw the ring into the boiling lava,

but at the last minute, he stops, and says he’s keeping it.

He slips on the ring just as Golem jumps on his back. Using his scabby razor like teeth Golem chomps away at lazy arse, biting his finger clean off! Shocking!

This is where the change comes in….

And then…

wait for it….

it’s a bit of a shocker…

are you ready…..


and then……

Samwise…. has his big moment. He rugby tackles the irritating imp and ….

are you sure you’re ready for this?

They BOTH tumble to their deaths in mount doom

Shocked aren’t you….

It’s okay, you can say…..

Yes they both die….

Yes, Samwise dies…..

Yes, Samwise….

Okay, stop your whining. Look Samwise is the hero not lazy arse. It’s Samwise’s noble and dignified death that makes the whole thing work. Lazy arse gets all the credit and hates himself for it, which is why he writes the book, which is why he has to leave little bottom, or smurfland or where ever, and go live with the fairy people.

Lets be honest, the films were good, and all the girlies cried, but with my ending, even the big rugby player blokes would be blubbering faster than an old granny at a wedding.

Naturally, both Tolkien and Jackson were too chicken to run it that way, but what an ending!

Okay I have said my piece… Now I am ready for your no doubt scathing criticisms.

~ by eggplantinspace on May 25, 2008.

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