Giving up the Weed

Today, I gave up smoking, well about 15 minutes ago actually.

And already I’m thinking what am I gonna do! And already I’m sweating! And already I’m thinking maybe i’ll do it tomorrow instead!

But NO!!! Dag nab it!!!! I will not concede. I will not give in. I will not keep looking at the time! (20 mins)

This is typical, it’s clearly not the nicotine that I crave, after all I just put my last smoke out. There’s something else. Something more primal. Something as basic as being able to talk.

I think about what am I going to do when I’m driving, or when I’m reading or when I’m blogging, or when i’m watcing a movie, or when I’m sitting on the sofa after a great meal. God! What am I going to do tomorrow morning!!!!!

How am I going to be nice and considerate to my fiance or my parents.

How am I going to listen to how many small china vases my mum sold in her latest car-boot sale, or what my dad thinks of the sweetcorn he’s trying to grow in the back garden. How am I going to put up with my girls hangover when all I can think of is ‘I need a smoke!’

(25 mins)

If you have never smoked or been addicted to anything you may well look down in disdain at the likes of me with my petty problems. You may consider me weak and pathetic, childish even. In reply, I can say… you dont know… you just dont know.

Maybe it’s a character flaw, maybe it’s an emotional crutch, maybe its good advertising, but the craving to know where your next smoke is, is debilitating. You cant think straight, you become obsessed, you become a wreck and for a week or so I will be intollerable to live with.

Now i’m not stupid. I know what it’s doing to me, and I know how expensive they are, and I know how it harms others, but every time I have tried to give up I JUST DONT CARE about any of that! I just want a smoke.

But not this time. This time I will be strong. I will exercise my demons on here (i hope) and find inner strength to beat my tenacious addiction.

So for all those who still smoke, wish me luck, and I promise not to say the words “It was dead easy” or “I cant stand the smell anymore” or ” A-Hem!” or “You should really try”.

For all those that dont… try giving up your telly, not for a day or a week, but forever!

And for all those that dont have a TV…..

Bog Off!

(30 mins)


~ by eggplantinspace on April 26, 2008.

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